red WHITE and blue

I will not wear white or comment on BLOGS until after Labor Day. It should be illegal in the 48 contiguous states to even see a student until SEPTEMBER.

Life between SUMMERS

Life between SUMMERS,Like the name implies, will be taking the summer off! See you in August!

All is Well that ends Well

Sometimes the assignment ~*~“Door to the Future” ~*~ reveals a little too much information. I guess as long as everyone leaves “happy” it is okay.

Nature VS Nurture

A few confused colleagues are complaining about grading. What is this grading they speak of???? They MUST cease and desist immediately! All grades, as they SHOULD know, come directly from the GRADE FAIRY. Grades have nothing to do with student work completed or ability.

For future reference: Simply place the roll sheet under a pillow and “POOF!” in the morning the grades will be written in red pen beside each name. (* “POOF!” may require an several ambien and some vodka) This prevents all hard feelings on both sides since the students know that it had nothing to do with them or you.

Factoid: once I wrote my prediction of each students final grade two weeks into the first semester ..sealed it in an envelope.. then opened it at the end of the semester …. I had over 90% right….

Self-fulfilling prophecy or just human nature?

Summer-o-rif-ic

A synonym is a word you use if you can’t spell the other one….

Official Synonym for summer is summertime… weak!
TRY: Freedom, happiness, air conditioned elation! blessed, blissful, bright golden, halcyon, prosperous season of the sun. Most important STUDENT-FREE

… Now begins the back-slide to SUMMER: JUNE-JULY- AUGUST the three main reasons to become a teacher are looming on the horizon

Everyday is a little less painful.
Everyday the OCD kid repeatedly shaking the locked door handle seems a little less annoying. After all he will go back to his own odd apple orchard where he can arrange pebbles in his yard according to weight.
Everyday the guidance techs try to guild instead of tech seems a little less detrimental
Everyday 17 more mornings to get up and face the tones
The marathon is almost finished …runner’s high is taking hold

I can almost hear Janis sing……….”Summertime, time, time,and the living's easy. Fish are jumping out And the cotton, lord,Cotton's high, lord, so high.

So high………….

Clock keeps telling me different times!

Here is a real hall pass from today. Wow! The clock keeps telling different times! Notice the date May 1, 2006....Apparently the calendar is confused, as well, or Mr. Wizard has been giving free rides in the way-back machine. At least my name is spelled correctly! Yea me!

They use me to set the lowest standard.

Real extended metaphor from a junoir in my class

"I am a box of rocks. When you shake me it sounds good, but when you open me I’m boring and you’ll be disappointed. They use me to set the lowest standard. People race me and if they lose they are either sick or not trying. I am redundant. People make fun of me for making the same mistake over and over and over. "

If you can't say something nice...sit by ME!

Ah! Testing season is in full swing.. but unlike allergy season we can't just spray something up our noses and feel immune ...(okay maybe we can...but not on a teacher's salary with or without the free cheeze vouchers)
Today I have been trying to grade papers while trying ignore back fat. Yes, back fat.. not just some muffin top squeezed up but cellulite with a sizable patch combable hair.... During the two hour learning blocks I have had some time to think about teen fashion or the lack there of......I missed the course that taught how to block the assaults on my senses (assault on a teacher is a felony) at TEACHER SCHOOL although I did have to take teaching English in your content area from the department of redundancy and repetition department. Where I learned how to work in reading and writing into my already overloaded reading and writing curriculum...

I think I'll save my opinion of Moobs (man boobs) and of body spray for another day (which falls under the same guidelines as bathroom air freshener ... poop, sweat and funky sprayed with roses STILL SMELLS BAD!

You know the old saying
"If you can't say something nice...sit by ME!"

The dollar is down but the POUND is UP!

Any and all organizations need office help. We are defiantly getting our dollars worth because everyone knows that guidance is CHEAPER by THE POUND!

On a related note: Because of state budget cuts raises will no longer be monetary.... instead it will be paid in processed cheeze products. Although hard to fit into the envelope provided by Chase-mortgage, it can be consumed as a delightful treat or sold on ebay... therefore it is worth far more than any dollar amount***...

***(legal notice: Allotment will be in direct proportion to the amount of years of service combined with the individual's birth year ...lactose intolerant employees should note that the afore mentioned cheeze contains no actual dairy products but is instead made from young teachers tears, soylent green and used number two pencils for color.)

A cat in the house is worth two in the book

In the novel Of Mice and Men, George talks about going to a CAT HOUSE. One student a high school senior earnestly asked, “What is a Cat House?”…before I could form my politically correct reply about oppressed women and financial gain..supply and demand..... Another student answered…"It is a house of cats, Stupid…you know like old lady’s have…..duh!”


Maybe not correcting mistakes like that are the reason our test scores are down… but, maybe ..just maybe…it is better to let sleeping cats lie…..

11 herbs and SPICES

Can you keep and secret? Well, So can I.

Summer is just around the corner. I can smell the apathy in the air. I am saving my extra words for CAMP NICKLEBY because there are only so many letters available before they drop out and go to adult school. After all you know what they say about free milk and a cow...... or maybe that doesn't apply to blogging???

Dance Like it HURTS!

I am back! Campnickleby.blogspot.com and fugly horse of the day have motivated me to start this up again..two years between posts! SWEET! I am on a ROLL!